I TURNED FIFTY - NOW WHAT?

Well, I'm happy to report I survived the Big Day. I am now 50 years old. Friends, family and coworkers are all telling me that turning 50 is no big deal. And to them I want to say, Shut the f**k up! It IS a big deal, and I AM getting old. There's no need to whitewash it. We Americans live in a youth-obsessed culture, and I am no longer youthful. Sure, there are times when I feel youthful, but that feeling only lasts until my tennis elbow acts up,  or I catch a glimpse of my butt in the mirror and see new dimples forming on top of my cellulite. I try to cheer myself up by reminding myself that along with age comes wisdom. However, this only works until I realize I don't know what today's date is.  I must admit I'm looking forward to a few things that will happen as I navigate my fifth century of life, one of them being that I will no longer have to buy or use tampons. That will be superb! I'm also looking forward to inheriting some money from my father when he passes away. That sounds awful, I know. I do not, repeat, DO NOT want my father to die any time soon, nor do I think he owes me any money when he does die. But if he wants to leave me a few bucks, I'd have to respect his last wishes, now, wouldn't I?  I definitely wouldn't spend it all at once. That would be very un-wise of me to do...
...but let me get back to the present. I'm adjusting to this new number that is my age as best as I can. I am grateful for friends, family and good health. I have a great husband and I live in a nice home. I wouldn't trade any of these things for another shot at youth. No, the only "shot" at youth I'm considering at 50 is a shot of Botox in between my eyebrows. Stay tuned...